The future

It scares me. I don't know what's going to happen. Although I'm a little (maybe just a tiny bit) excited about it. To know what driving to places on my own feels like, to be independent. But dear God, help me. It's sometimes scary to know I'm going to be all alone out there. No one to make decisions for me, no one to give me guidelines. Just little ol' me out there soon.
Speaking about soon, my results are coming out in march. And I am freaking out. All the 'what ifs' questions are starting to pop up in my mind every once in awhile. What's next? Being an adult is sure a scary thing. I wish I can stay in this period of time forever.
These are the times that make me realize, Life isn't a fairytale. It isn't like what you see on television where when the going gets tough something or someone magically turns everything around, saves the day and ends with 'happily ever after'. Really, its not even close to that.

insecurities

Really, the title says it all. I have issues. I'm not just insecure, I'm paranoid. I also know most girls have insecurity problems. We often feel we're not good enough. You go out, you see another girl who you think is probably way prettier than you are and you get so depressed and ask yourself "why am i not like her?" Honestly, if you feel that way, I understand. I feel it all the time.  Sometimes, I tell myself I'm good enough. I should just love myself and appreciate the flaws on me because those are the things that make me, ME.

But then again, HOW do i do that? I need to learn how to love myself before this insecurity problem smacks me to the ground. Lord knows how much I hate myself for feeling this way. I don't want to be like those other people that's always unsatisfied with themselves just because they're too blind to see what beauty they are. They just need to see. I need to see.

Ya Allah, help me. Help me to learn how to accept myself just the way You created me.

Above all matters, I'm still thankful. For everything. Alhamdulillah. There may be a lot of things that I do not like about myself. There may be a few things that I wish I could change about myself. I wish I'm a much better person than I am now. But I need to understand and enjoy life, forget all these worries I have for myself. Although I know this is going to be difficult, I will try to not be too hard on myself. And I hope one day, I will finally be able to not only love myself but also my flaws.